I got the pleasure once again of getting to use the North Dallas Tollway this morning to get to the studio for a webcast. On a normal day, under normal circumstances, this is all of a 20 minute drive. But, Monday - Friday at 7:30 are not normal days. As I began my journey, traffic was going so smoothly, that I actually thought, "Wow! This is great! I'm going to be really early.". As I finished the thought I saw all the brake lights in front of me. Crap. What's even worse is that I only made it a few exits down from where I got on the highway to hell. As I sat there, trapped in the left lane, I had time to observe the insanity going on around me. Here are a list of thoughts and observations I had while stuck.
Why do people change lanes every 5 feet? All you are doing is mucking things up for us nonretards that know how to drive. Seriously, stop changing lanes. In fact, you should be banished to the feeder road as punishment. I hate you.
I'm boxed in by 2 Priuses. Or is it Pri-i? Like cactus and cacti? Or is it just prius, like fish or deer? What do you call a group of them??? I know you can't just call them cars, that's would freak the owners out. They run on hair dryer motors right, so what do you call a group of hair dryers?? I know someone with one, I should ask her.
Hey, I don't think so, Mr. Obama 08 sticker guy! You most certainly are not getting in front of me! Hell no! I don't care what your political preference is, just update it man. Get your '12 on!
OOOO! We are moving again! Yay!!! I'm so going to be early!!! Crap. Stopped. Boxed in by Pri-i again. What do you call multiples of those things???
The guy in the truck behind me looks like Alton Brown. Is that Alton Brown???? Do you think he's cooking something. I'm hungry.
OMG! Stopped under an overpass. I need a valium. I hate being under these things. You never know when an earthquake will hit, toppling it onto my vehicle!!! Move people!! I'm freaking out here!!! Maybe Alton Brown has breakfast tacos....
Hmm....there's a lot of tail light parts on the road. Don't they clean those up? I see street sweepers here often enough. Maybe it's just yesterday's commuting carnage.
Woohoo! Moving again!!! Damn it Obama 08! I told you no!!!!
Hey, jerk in the Lexus SUV w/ the mickey mouse stickers!!! Stop trying to run me off the road. I'm sorry you have to drive your mom's/wife's car, but I'm going to run you down! Do you see how much bigger mine is than yours!!???? I now also hate you. And your stupid "family member stick people with mickey ears on" stickers. Tool.
I need botox now. I have a huge crease in my forehead from this drive. I mean this park and go 5 ft. I wonder if I just have a surprised face for a while, it will go away. Opps, scared one of the Prius people. They must think my brakes went out.
And of course, as soon as I get to my exit, traffic goes from 10 to 50. F-it. Next time, I'm taking the bus.
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