Scrub those nuts

It's never a dull moment being a mom to boys.  It often feels like having alien life form in the house and I have to figure out some means of communication with them to coexist.  Funny how having that extra appendage can throw everything off.
Right now, the boys are really into zombies, ghosts, and anything else related to the afterlife of the damned.     I am often forced into playing night of the living dead and I don't exactly make the best Zombie.  But I improvise.  I am getting very good at the zombie that runs the vacuum and the ghost that cooks dinner.  They don't think it's very cool.  I, however think it shows what an awesome multi tasker I am.  Let's face it, a self cleaning zombie is a great idea, given that they probably drop a lot of rotten flesh and body parts durning their escapades. Maybe Mattel could invent a zombie barbie.  I think I'd be much better at the game if I had a zombie with flowing blonde hair to brush and some cool shoes to put on it.
But, I was reminded last night, how I am a stranger in a foreign land being the only female in a house full of penises (or is it peni?  Is a penis like a cactus?).  I was bathing Hud (because he still refuses to take a shower) and I am trying to teach him (still after a year) to bath himself.  Once he got shampoo in his eyes because he was trying on his own, and grabbed Henry's "grown up" shampoo.  Now every time I wash his hair, EVERY TIME, he asks, "is dis kid shampoo?".  I think he thinks I caused his temporary blindness and doesn't trust me.
I hand him the soap and say, "Clean yourself, top to bottom, pits, butt, nuts, feet"  and walk to his room to put up laundry.  Now, I can hear him talking to himself in the bathroom followed by lots of giggling.  I peek around the door and he's sitting there, in the sudsy water, looking down.  He sees me and asks, "What are nuts?"  I lean over and grab his junk and say, "These are.  Your testicles.  Your nuts.  Balls, Sack, Scrotum, whatever you want to call it".   I know what you are thinking, but I did stop before saying "wrinkly crinkly bag of skin".   He says, "Isn't dat de penis?"  No!  No!  The penis is that little cheeto thing that lives above your wrinkly crinkly bag of skin!  I explained that no, that's not it and am starting  to get a bit uncomfortable.  Then, here it comes......."Why do I have nuts?  What do they do?".  Oh Lord!!!  I caught myself almost saying, "after you hit puberty, they become your brain", but decided to not further complicate things.  So, I did what any good mom would do.  Distracted him by asking him to "make butt bubbles" for me in the water.  Whew!   Crisis avoided.  Maybe I should try that on Nick when I need to end a conversation quickly.
There are times when I think, I wish I had a daughter.  Then, I am reminded at times, like last night, that I have been given a "pass card" on so many things with these guys because I can just say, "Go ask your father."