And that's what I have to say about that

I am adjusting quite nicely to my new life.  I can't remember the last time I had so much time alone in the house.  Yes, it can be a bit lonely at times.  But, holy crap!  My house stays clean.  All day.  Nothing is out of place.  I actually started scrubbing baseboards by Wednesday because I was running out of things to do. The dogs have been bathed and brushed daily.   The cats run because they are tired of all the grooming.  I've been cooking every night.  It's like I've joined the June Cleaver cult and am the shining star rookie.  Now, all this free time has given me lots of thinking time, so I have a few rants that I would like to share.

*Carpool lines suck.  SUCK.  I am so grateful to live all of a 5 minute walk from our school.  The snarled line of cars and pissed off people is fun to watch, when you aren't stuck in it.  People tend to get mean and stupid when put in a long line, behind the wheel.  All forms of manners and humanity go out the window.  It's like they are starving tribes people from the depths of the jungle all trying to get a raw piece of meat at the end of the line!  I'm pretty sure I saw a mom with a bone through her nose yesterday.   It's insane.  People are assholes.  I want a golf cart to drive up there.  Then I can taunt everyone as I whiz by.  We saw a car auction once that had Elton John's golf cart for sale.  It was equipped with giant glasses and a bow tie.  I want it.  I want it as my taunt mobile!  It would be so cool!

See?  Awesomeness!

*  New kindergarten parents are the best!  Ok, those that this is their first time into elementary school.  They are so excited to sign up for everything.  It's a PTA's dream.  We shove pens in their hands and sign up sheets in front of them, letting them take on all kinds of jobs.  We all smile and in our heads we are saying, "Bwuahahahahahaha  Fresh meat!!!!" oh, I mean, "Yay!  New help!".  I'm always amazed at how much volunteering is needed for a good functioning PTA.  I'm always more amazed at how many people run the other way screaming when you mention PTA.  It's like I have on a hat of knives and am wearing bodies of clubbed baby seals around my neck.  Geesh!  

*  I hate chatty checkout people at the grocery store.  I will stalk each lane and look for the person that looks tired/grumpy/antisocial just to avoid a conversation.  I had a winner a while back that had to comment on every item I had.  As the cat litter came up, "Oh, do you have a cat?".  Nope, I make my kids us a litter box.   Cheese cubes..."Oh, are you having a party?".  No, I'm throwing a cocktail party for my dogs.  It's formal, so I'm having trouble finding them little tuxes.  As the tampons come up, "uh oh...(insert her stupid frowny face here)."  NO!  Those are for shoving in my ears at night because my husband snores......  I really hate chatty checkout people.

*My cats spend entirely too much time licking themselves.  Which is fine, but Bea Arthur chews on her claws.  It's the cat version of nail biting.  Is she nervous?  What would a cat be stressed about?  I only slept 20 hours today!  How will I be productive?  Is there enough catnip in the house?  Did she scoop out my litter box?  Max on the other hand sucks on his fur. It's the grossed sound I have ever heard.  It's like someone squeezing macaroni with surgical gloves on.  Drives me insane.  I think he does it on purpose because he waits until I sit at my desk and gets under it and starts.  

So, as you can see, I am not going crazy, but am just having a lot more time to observe.....or go crazy.