At ease boys

Of course there are so many obvious joys to parenting.  But, there are just as many gross creep me out moments that go along with it.  Things all those stupid books I over paid for never mentioned.  My first realization of this was when I was changing Henry's diaper as a baby and he managed to blow crap all over the wall while I was mid wipe on him.  Sure, I cleaned it, but every time I looked at that wall, all I saw was a crime scene.  There might have well been a chalk outline of me on the floor in the fetal position as well.  We had to move.

On to my story.....  Every night, we take the kids for one last vein drain before we go to sleep.  It really does help them not get up 40 times a night to pee.  Or at least it's supposed to.  I'm still working on that theory and when I find that it is wrong, I'll be letting our pediatrician know.  Nick, was as usual, working, packing for the gym, watching something shiny roll by, so I went upstairs to take Henry to do one last pee. First off, the kid is 65lbs and almost as tall as me.  Add in all that dead sleep weight and getting that boy out of bed is no easy task.  It's kind of like calf roping, only the point is not to lose my balance and have him fall on me.  I manage to get him to the bathroom, and get him into position.....only to realize he's got a raging, um...fully excited, um......ok so he was pointing at the ceiling.  But not with his fingers.  Great.  So, as he starts to pee, of course it goes straight up.  In a split second I am forced into a decision.  Do I let the golden shower continue to spray every surface in the bathroom, or reach down and push that little soldier towards the ground.   Well, the germaphobe in me takes over and there I am,  trying not to look or think about what I'm doing while keeping the pee going into its intended vessel.  Ugh.  Gross.  Will he need therapy now? Will I?
I get him back in bed, come downstairs and tell Nick about how I think I just molested our child.  He of course starts laughing and tells me his "trick" he's used on the kids before.  Something about pushing on the erea above the um, unit.....I don't know b/c I was now experiencing post traumatic stress disorder and hid in the closet, licking shoes.
See, these are the moments no one tells you about.  I know we have all had them.  Some of us more than others.  Pretty sure I'm in that latter group.  I'm pretty sure Henry doesn't know a thing.  Me however....well I'll need lots of meds and group therapy to move past this.  Wait, there's still pee all over their bathroom.  Great.  Now we have to move again.


***and yes, I realize that my first 2 posts are about urine.  But, that's my life.