Holy crap! Where's the straight jacket?

Ok, I have to start this with the obligatory, "I love my life.  I love my kids.  My husband is the best man in the world.  I'm so blessed.  I couldn't imagine a better life.".  Blah blah blah blah.  Ok, that's better.  I will now feel less guilty for going off on my week.  Should you feel that I'm whining too much or start thinking, "Gee, Cayce, you really have a great life.", stop reading and just go back to my first few sentences.  And don't ever talk to me again.  

This week has been HELL!  Nick has been gone all week AGAIN.  I'm starting to think that he does it on purpose.  The week last winter when we were frozen in our homes and couldn't even get out of the driveway, he was gone.  2 weeks ago when it was the hottest week on record and the flames of hell were shooting out of the ground.....gone.   This week, the 2nd hottest week on record, and the freaking worst week of summer because it's the last one before school starts....gone.  See.  He leaves me here to deal with this crap on purpose.  I hate him right now.  I keep saying we need a pool, so I can hire a hot young Cuban pool boy.  I may go buy a blow up pool today, hire said boy, so he can be here, fanning me with giant palm frond when Nick gets home tonight.  Maybe I'll add in some bon bons too.  Just to make a point.
The kids.  Oh.  My. God.   These boys!  They have apparently declared psychological warfare on me.  They forget that I'm all they have right now.  No one will know if I don't feed them, make them wear the same dirty underwear everyday.  They just assume that they can beat me down and I'll continue to care for them.  Idiots.  The last week of summer is always the worst.  Everything is now boring.  It's too damn hot to even go get the mail.  The pools are 120 degrees.  All the camps are done, so I have no chance of leaving them and paying dearly for someone else to deal with them.  There's also the excitement of school starting next week.  Add all that in to the above paragraph.  Oh, did I mention that I'm one of those crazy moms that makes my kids start their school schedule a week early.  So, we've been going to bed early and getting up early.  The going to bed part is awesome.  The getting up part sucks.  For me and them.  More for me.  So, I'm left to deal with 2 tired, bored, excited, missing daddy kids.  Yay!
I even broke down and took them to Target to each get a new toy, thinking it would buy me a few hours of quiet.  Plus, I needed more wine.  Ok, so we went to Target to get more wine and I was talked into getting them new toys while we were there.  As soon as we got home, they tore open the boxes only to realize that the main part of the race set they picked was missing.  We see, "Balls sold separately" written on the box.  What the hell????  Who does that???  What's the name of this toy company because I'm sending them hate mail.  I call around and no one sells the damn balls.  Apparently, it's a new item and they are just getting bits and pieces in.  I asked the man at Target why he hates me, but I didn't get a response.
I also go into some weird survival mode when Nick is out of town.  But, instead of hunting for food and building shelter, I clean.  I clean like I've never done it before.  I wash anything that will fit in the machine.  I scrub grout.  I dust light fixtures.  I have no idea why this kicks in when I'm single parenting.  Maybe it's a way of keeping my sanity.  Maybe it's a defense mechanism.  Maybe it's a way to keep my hands busy so I don't hang the boys from doorknobs.  I'm like a coke addict on a bender, but instead of snorting lines, I'm making awesome vacuum cleaner lines.  I think I do this because I get all panicky when the house is out of order.  My mental state may look like a frat house, but my physical world is nice and clean and pretty.  Ahhh.........
I long for the days of my childhood when kids could spend the summer roaming freely.  Riding bikes, playing at the park, flashlight hide and go seek, looking for frogs in the creeks.  Unfortunately, thanks to all the jackass pedophiles and kidnappers, my children will never get that opportunity.  They will never get that little bit of independence and I will never get that little break in the afternoon.  But, I suppose me being emotionally drained and slightly insane is worth my boys being safe.  Thank God Nick gets home tonight.  I may just have to give him a swift kick in the ass when he walks in the door.